My Mindfulness Manifesto: How I Got To Where I Didn’t Think I Could Be

“So, if you are feeling a little lost, if you struggle to find clarity or peace with that little inner voice that holds you back, you are not alone. This is a place where we can find new voices, together.”

Here’s how I got to where I am.

Eight years ago, I was stuck in the wrong life, living in the wrong place, and working at the wrong job, as a paralegal. I had a passion for health and wellness and I had some idea of the life I wanted, but I had no idea of how to get from there to here. Worse than that, I had a crippling anxiety that If I tried to go after what I wanted and become a leader in health and wellness, I would fail.

My fear came from two places: (1) that I wasn’t talented enough to accomplish what I wanted (I think a lot of us share this common fear); and (2) I had tremendous anxiety about putting myself out there for the public to see, exposing my inadequacies and even letting people into parts of my life that I just don’t normally share.

Until recently, I didn’t even have a public Instagram account. Knowing that I had to advertise myself and market my fitness/yoga classes online created one of the most anxiety-riddled weeks of my life. I know this seems like a trivial thing to have anxiety over, especially in light of what is happening in the world right now and what sort mental and emotional toll it is taking on humanity, but my finger actually shook when it hovered over the control settings to toggle my online accounts from “private” to “public”. That little switch carried so much more symbolic meaning for me. I finally slid the button, the litte green light come on, and I didn’t sleep the that entire night, worrying about… what? What were people going to see that I was so scared to show? What about me was so lacking that I would seem like a fraud in offering fitness and yoga classes and online health and wellness coaching? By that time, I had the certifications, I had the experience, I had clients that were incredibly encouraging in expressing to me how much they valued my classes. Why was I so afraid?

I think that’s the question a lot of us face when we think about where (and who) we are and where (and who) we want to be. For me that little “switch” from private to public represented a much bigger switch in my life that I finally had the courage to make: accepting that I was enough, accepting that I was adequate, accepting that I was deserving of the things that I wanted in life. It was the moment when I finally had the confidence to love myself and pursue positive changes. We all have that little voice of self-doubt in our heads. Mine told me that my abilities, my ideas and my practices were not worth sharing. Ironcially, those were the exact tools needed to get me from that shaky moment 8 years ago to where I am today, writing this blog, launching this website — a forum dedicated to cultivating the tools, the skills and best practices with you to help you get from where you are to where you want to be, no matter how near or far those goal posts are. Why do I know that your wellness journey can be really tough? Because it was for me, too.

For me, wellness is not about how you “look” or what the scale reads; it is about finding a little more peace and clarity everyday until you find yourself — until you lead yourself — to where you didn’t think you could be. So, if you are feeling a little lost, if you struggle to find clarity or peace with that little inner voice that holds you back, you are not alone. This is a place where we can find new voices, together. This a place where we can find fresh perspective on old, stale problems. This is a place where we can find a peaceful route through what used to be painful roadblocks. None of us have this whole “life” thing perfectly “figured out”. This is a place I invite you to come to work on it a little, together.

Always from the heart,

K